Jenny, it’s one more month to the fourth anniversary. I feel the tension starting. Your father and I can hardly talk. The thing is, Jen, that I don’t know if it is that or if it’s because there is a lot going on at his work, and I’m getting over a bad flu so I’m pretty weak. I could blame everything on grief. That would be simple. Sometimes, it is just life.
I watched an odd movie tonight called The Crossing Guard. It was about a father who wanted to kill the drunk driver who killed his little girl. What was made clear to me is something I’ve thought about but never really felt; the view of the drunk driver. He wanted to die. His guilt was as severe as the father’s grief. I cried along with him and I cried for him. Then I thought about the man who killed you. Oh, how I hated him even though he died as well. But, what if he had lived? Could he have lived with his guilt? I don’t think I could. Maybe God let him die too because He knew he wouldn’t be able to live with it. I can see why the two men held each other’s hands at the end of the movie. They both lived with unbearable pain.
