Dearest Jenny,
Today marks one-month since your trip to Heaven. A woman at church gave me a journal to write down my feelings. I’ll write to you instead. I have so many emotions I want to explain that, if you were here, we would be talking for days.
First, I love you and miss you more than a million philosophers could possibly imagine. I cleaned your room just the way you would do it. It’s ready for you, but you are not coming home. You are with Jesus, and my mother has held her first grandchild in her arms. I am happy for her and all others who have gone before you. I wouldn’t want to take that joy away from you or mom, but I would give my life in a second if you could be here to live yours.
You can’t label pain, so I won’t try. Your dad, Jamin and I all sleep in the family room because that is where we are the most comfortable. Sleeping upstairs without you seems impossible. We are going to get a car with airbags so we will feel safer. I wonder if an airbag would have saved you. We’ll keep your truck because it was part of you. It was your first new car.
You are a hero to me, Bug. You were wise to drive your friend’s car under the circumstances. God just chose that moment to take you. I didn’t see you right before you left all dressed up, but you were happy that night. I hope you had a wonderful time, and I am glad you had pizza.
Your Aunt Carol bought a yellow rose bush for you. We will plant it in the front yard, though I bet the ones where you live are too numerous to count and the scent more lovely than one could imagine. I can almost smell the heavenly scent of yellow roses.
I guess you know by now how many people love you and miss you. You are special, Bug. You always were, even when we had our stormy moments, because I wanted to hold on and you wanted me to let go. I always wanted you to be happy, but I also wanted you to be safe. I cannot describe the emptiness I feel. We all feel it. Jamin still needs you, Jen, so please watch over him always. Watch over your daddy, Jen. You are his special girl. He would die for you.
As for me, I was always concerned with keeping myself healthy for you and your brother, hoping that I wouldn’t leave you too soon, as my mother left me. I no longer fear death. I will welcome it, because then we will hold each other in Heaven and there will be no more misunderstandings. We will feel only peace and joy together. You are in our hearts and thoughts every second of every day. I love you.
Mom
